Laws of Tupperwear and other hermetically sealable containers

Law 1

The probability of finding a matching lid to any given container decreases as the number of containers in a given cupboard increases.

The probability of finding a matching lid to any given container will also decrease as urgency of requirement increases.

Law 2

The packing efficiency within a given cupboard decreases as the number of containers is increased.

Also - Critical mass.

Critical mass occurs when the number of containers is such than any attempt at matching a lid becomes impossible.

When critical mass occurs:

It is not possible to close the cupboard door fully.

Containers will randomly self eject onto the kitchen floor.

National Shrimp Day

Just read a notice in the Mill canteen. May the 14th is National Shrimp Day.

So excited!

That's the way to do it!

1: Hear absolutely brilliant, but until that point never heard before, track on Planet Rock.
2: Listen to lyrics and remember a phrase.
3: Google said phrase and obtain identity of track.
4: Hit Amazon MP3 seach.
5: Download.
6: Own track before its finished playing on the radio.
7: Result!

Sorry about the unnanounced hiatus - not planning to shut up shop just yet.

Steam Pipes

I have been having sooo much fun lately. I guess everyone knows what a Nintendo DS. Well I've been monopolising the Bromite's over the last few weeks on account of finding a fantastic piece of plug in software called a DS-10 from Korg which is a full blown synthesiser! In fact it's not just one, it's two identical ones plus four very configurable drum pads,some effects and a sequencer, all for less than £30.00. Amazing!!



The really groovy bit it though is the way you can assign two of the controls to the touch screen, thus giving you the ability to produce some really interesting stuff without having to resort to twiddling knobs. I guess, because it's more like writing, once you have "learned" the shape you draw on the screen that gives you the sound you want it's much easier to remember that shape rather than the position of two knobs.

I could go on for hours here, but instead I'll leave you with something percussive I "cooked" up last night, one take, no multi tracking, no external effects, all you hear came out of the one DS with just a little fading in. This is very much work in progress... and I have plans for it.

Steam Pipes

New Acronym

Saw a label tied to an obviously broken gizmo today annotated with an acronym I have not seen before. The keeper of the gizmo explained the meaning of the four letters.

"Failed Under Continuous Testing".

I laughed my socks off!

Progressive work in progress.

It’s been a little while since the last post. Work and stuff has just got in the way. Mostly work. The thought of typing away some stuff at lunchtime sometimes just isn’t appealing, and a few minutes away from the desk becomes something to look forward to.

Saying that, the work is not all bad though. I have been spending time away from this desk doing “proper work”. My mate J lives in the depths of The Mill. He’s got a nice little secluded area to himself. This little oasis contains things like bits of metal, tools, wire, transistors and soldering irons, you know things you need to to do Proper Work. What is also nice is that J and I share similar tastes in music. Music which is continuously emanating from speakers connected to J’s computer. Such is the isolation of this little haven in the hustle/bustle of the rest of the place that we can listen to what we like at resonable volumes without upsetting anybody.

We do get occasional visitors who use the facilities, like the chap yesterday. After being in there for 15 minutes he was forced to query, pointing at the PC. “What the hell is this!?”

J and I smiled at each other. “Tales From Topographic Oceans”, “you mean you don’t know it”!?

Text Sensations

Just noticed a bag of Walkers "Taste Sensations" Chicken and Thyme flavoured crisps in The Mill canteen.

What got me was the other text.

"Contains real ingredients"

Eh??? does that mean that their other crisps contain imaginary ingredients!?

Surely anything you chuck in, chemical, natural, squirrel, builders bum is an ingredient?

Wheelclampski

The last post indicated how a lack of knowledge of the Polish language could lead to a hilarious case of mistaken identity. I'm not one to poke too much fun at other nationalities interpretation of the English language, let's face it, compared to a lot of our European neighbours the standard Brit's multi linguistic skills are practically non existent.

However, to redress the balance, here is something I found in my archives while clearing up. It was given to me quite a few years ago now by a friend who had links with a Polish club who were getting a bit fed up with people using their car park for anything but coming into the club for a drink. The old boys at the club decided to draft a note that could be left on the windows of the perpetrators as a friendly message to say that they had now procured a wheel clamp and would use it if they felt it necessary.

A gem from the Emerald Isle

This is so absolutely hilarious, just had to share, enjoy.

In or on?, that is the question.

Through a strange chain of thoughts something occurred to me on the drive into work

When you go somewhere using a car you go in it.

When you take a train, plane of boat you go on it.

By the end of my journey (in the car) the logic behind this had me really confused.

At first I thought, aha, if you pay to travel then you go on it. Sorted!

But then I thought about going in a taxi. Which you really should be paying for. (Unless you have very fast legs and don’t live in that particular town)

In fact the taxi really upsets things. Because I then thought, OK, if you own the mode of transport you go in it. That must be the rule. e.g. “We could go in the plane to the continent this weekend dahhhling”. But then again you definitely go in a taxi, which in 99.9% of cases does not belong to you.

School mini-busses are also a bit tricky. Teachers take their charges to the hockey match in the mini bus. However, a year trip to the Natural History Museum would definitely go on the coach. Yes?

There must be some logic to all this?

Day ja View

Last night I went to bed and watched the end of Groundhog Day on the telly. This afternoon I turned on the TV and the film Groundhog Day was just starting.

Very odd.

Do you ever think you are going round in circles?

A week of contrasts - in pictures

Snowed in at the airport, a cancelled plane (one of many) no trains to get home and the roads at a standstill.



A quickly booked seat on another flight (Thanks L) was the icing on the cake... but this was de-icing of the plane.



Now that's different



....and there's Orangie.



A Big Plane!



For a Big Man (Important and tall with it)



I wonder if his walrus and otters got their own planes as well?



A souvenir from Berlin. (Now kept outside as apparently it kept sliding off the door of the fridge)



Do you ever get bored between your starter and main course? The Americans have solved that problem - they give you something to eat to help pass the time.



That's innovative. A "Keep Off The Grass" sign that might just work!



I guess then that a traditional Shrove Tuesday race is out of the question?



Ahhhh - Home sweet home!!

Sucking up the bits - literally!

A random glance at our home computer the other day from the far side of the room made me jump with surprise. There moving across the screen was the unmistakable green trail of some sort of progress going on.

"WTF" I said to myself. (You will probably never hear me swear – but that doesn’t mean I might not think it.)

I dived at the PC.

Uploading Adobe Acrobat Update was just about to

... eh??..... what?..... finished!.....Gone!

"Bloody Hell" (That’s about as bad as it gets)

"Why’s it done that"?

The Brom PC is a ship that I run in a very tight fashion on the seas of the Treblew. (And no, I don’t wear tights fashionable or otherwise – I’m definitely a stocking sort of guy)

"Updating Flash Player" announces the new box which appears on the screen.

"WHAT!!!!???, why...? What’s going on??"

The commotion attracts Mrs. B.

"Have you....?"

"..........No" she replies, cowering in the corner. "You know I never say yes to anything it asks. I leave all that stuff to you"

I stare at the screen baffled.

"Errr.............."

"Yeeees?"

"But I did just Hoover the keyboard"

"OH!"

We stare at the computer, I try a few applications and stuff, all seems OK.

"Wait a minute........Look at THOSE"

And here dear reader is what we saw.



Don’t ask me how, but several icons had lost their usual names and had adopted a code like identity. Including the blooming Recycle Bin. I soon discovered that the Recycle Bin is not like other desktop icons. Its name can only be changed via the registry. How very odd!

Various diagnostic tools and virus scans have failed to find any problems, and apart from the icon names (which I quite like), everything else seems in order.

We remain baffled as to exactly what happened. For now I will remain at the helm keeping a watching brief, and have issued orders that the vacuum cleaner is banned from keyside duties until further notice.

Word Wise Web

One annoying thing about the internet for me is the URL or address of a webpage. In particular it's the palaver of going through the oral gymnastics associated with saying of "WWW" when telling someone the address of a page. (And that's saying something coming from a Welsh speaker - look you)

It's also ironic that it is easier to say World Wide Web, than it is to say doublew doublew doublew dot. I have also noted that some people abbreviate it to doublew doublew dot which the pedant lurking inside finds equally annoying.

Surely, I thought there must be a better way of conveying doublew doublew doublew dot without having to resort to long winded tougue twisting.

Then I saw it, a perfect solution, so obvious I was sure someone else must have thought about it before, however a quick check on the doublew doublew doublew appears to indicate not.

So, why not call WWW. a "Treblew"?

It seems to work. Trewblew bbc.co.uk rolls off the tongue much easier than the old version wouldn't you agree??

Right, once I've called the patent office and enquired about a copyright I'm off to work on httpcolonslashslash.